If you are looking at taking that next big step, you might be wondering what time is best to move in together.
The truth is, moving in with your significant other is a phase in a relationship that can completely transform your life. Even though you currently spend a lot of time in each other’s homes, you still have your place to retreat when you need some space.
What Time Span is Best?
It is recommended that you wait at least one year after beginning a romantic relationship before discussing the possibility of moving in together; however, waiting for two years is optimal. In a study, researchers have found that the average length of time for same gender couples to move in together is six months, while all other couples stay in the two-year range before moving in.
Questions to Ask Before Moving In
Before even looking for an apartment or scheduling a moving crew, take the time to talk to your partner about important questions that often come up when living together. By asking them beforehand, you can get a clearer picture about who they are, and how you will act in one house. Here are some questions to think about to possibly move in together.
- Where do you see this relationship going?
- Who will do the cooking/grocery shopping/dishes?
- Do you want to have guests over?
- Nighttime/daytime routines?
- How do you handle bills/financials?
- How often do you do laundry?
- What’s your love language?
- Are our sleeping habits compatible?
- Alone time preferences?
- How do you handle home maintenance/cleaning?
Green Flags for Moving in Together
1. Basically live together already
Having the opportunity to stay at each other’s places for longer periods of time will give you a clear picture of how you work-or don’t work-together.
2. Both on the same page about the relationship
Those with a similar mindset to their partner will discover that day-to-day life is much more easily navigated, compared to couples who have different views on the relationship.
3. Financially ready
Always make sure you are in a stable position within you career path before making a life-changing decision like moving in with someone else. You don’t want to be stressing about moving and job issues, because one of them will suffer in the long run.
4. Know how to communicate with each other
“Communication is key” is one of those sayings you hear everywhere, and it applies to relationships too. Neither of you are mind readers, so the only way you will know what is going on is by talking, no matter if the conversation is easy or hard.
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5. Saving money is not the only motivation
If you just wanted to move in together to have a smaller rent, then you could practically be moving in with anyone. Make sure that you enjoy your partner enough to want to live together, more than the money or convenience.
6. Can deal with the other’s messes
Everyone can be messy, but make sure you are okay with whatever type of messy your partner is. Remember, you have to live with them all the time, so you do not want to go crazy cleaning all the time.
7. Supportive of goals
Having a cheerleader that’s always on your side no matter what is a great thing, especially when it is someone you cherish and live with. By being supportive of each other’s differing goals, you will grow closer together and find new interests together.
8. Not hiding any major secrets
Skeletons, please get out of the closet. Make sure you always stay honest with your partner, and let any big secrets out so you can fully understand each other.
9. Survived a big fight
Fights are always hard, and can sometimes be messy for the relationship. But, if you are able to survive the fight and remain close, then you have a better chance to move in together and overcome any arguments that arise.
10. Feel the same way about pets
Pets are humans best friends, whether it be a dog, cat, fish, or bird. But, make sure you know what your partner is comfortable with before making any big purchases, because it could cause unnecessary strain for you and the pet.
Red Flags for Moving in Together
As there are always good signs to moving in together, there are also warning signs that you should be aware of when talking to your partner.
1. You and your partner cannot agree on anything
In long-term relationships, reaching a consensus on how to go with the future is one of the most crucial things. If you disagree, you should probably give moving in more consideration if you still want to.
2. No talking about money/finances
Talking about one’s finances and aspirations in that area is certainly not a romantic topic, but it is vital. And studies have shown that couples who battle about money early in their relationship are more likely to end up divorcing, no matter how much or how little money they have.
3. Going through big life changes
Grieving the loss of a loved one, switching employment, or beginning school is a significant transition in your life and can put strain on you and your partner. Keeping this in mind, it is likely not the most fantastic choice to move in together when dealing with such a significant amount of change.
4. Cannot support yourself
Similar to the financial issues, if you are not able to support yourself how will you be able to support someone else as well? This will also cause you to rely heavily on your partner and introduce tension between you.
5. Get to “Play House”
This may sound like a child’s game, but it works. Living at your partner’s place for longer stretches of time to “test the waters” of living together will give you a look into whether moving in together is a viable option.
6. Being pressured into moving
What if you don’t want to move? That’s completely fine, but your partner must respect that too. If they are still pushing to be together, maybe your gut is right about wanting to wait.
7. Not in love
This is an interesting situation, mostly because you are with your partner for some reason, right? This might not actually be love though, rather it could be convenient or just comfortable. Always make sure that your partner is someone you want to be with, and can envision a future together.
8. Life goals differ
Life is a twisted road that can take you on an adventure, but it might also tear you away from your partner. Always make sure you know what each other’s future goals are, so if they do not mesh you can avoid moving in with someone who does not want what you do.
9. Opposing eating habits
Food is a big part of the relationship, especially if there are allergies or just general food dislikes. Make sure you both understand what foods are okay or not okay, and whether or not you are willing to give up certain foods.
10. Pretending to be perfect
At the beginning of the relationship you often hold back your true self, just to make sure you’re not scaring anyone away. But eventually you need to shed this insecurity, or the relationship will never be genuine. If you think your partner is holding back, that also may be a sign that the person they are is someone you will not like to live with.
When each couple should feel ready to take the next step in their relationship and move in together is an entirely personal decision. Some couples can hit it off right away and begin operating like a well-oiled machine almost immediately. Others might require more time to work through their personal and social concerns before they are prepared to live with their significant other. No matter which couple you are, as long as you take the time to learn how your partner operates you should be fine.