What To Do When A Friend Hooks Up With Your Ex

What To Do When A Friend Hooks Up With Your Ex
friend hooks up with your ex

A few months ago, one of my family members hung out with my ex-boyfriend until 2:30 in the morning, and I woke up to a text telling me that he wanted to go home with her. I cried and texted her some of the harshest words ever typed from my phone. Time passed and I could not shake the image of them together. He had hurt me so badly and she had watched me cry for months, so it seemed that she could not have cared less about my feelings. Exes are supposed to be off-limits, are they not?

Discovering that a close friend has hooked up with your ex can be emotionally challenging. It’s essential to navigate this situation with care and consideration. Here are some tips on how to handle it with grace and move forward.

Related: How Soon Is Too Soon To Move In With Your Partner?

Maintain Self-Respect

While it’s natural to feel hurt and angry, it’s crucial to uphold your self-respect. Avoid sending impulsive and hurtful messages. Instead, carefully choose your words, focusing on expressing your feelings rather than attacking your friend. Remember, your response reflects your character, so aim to handle the situation with dignity.

Recognize It’s Not About You

It may sting, but remember that your breakup happened for a reason. Your ex’s actions are independent of your life choices, and their behavior reflects their character, not yours. If your friend lacks remorse for their actions, it reveals more about them than you. In time, you’ll be grateful for seeing their true colors.

Allow Yourself to Process Emotions

Give yourself the freedom to feel anger and sadness. These emotions are valid. However, don’t dwell on them indefinitely. After a few days or weeks, channel that energy into positive activities, such as writing, exercising, or pursuing personal goals. Reaffirm your self-worth and remember that your value remains unchanged.

Practice Thought Control

Thought-stopping can be a valuable technique. After giving yourself time to process your initial feelings, work on redirecting your thoughts. When thoughts of your friend and ex together surface, replace them with thoughts of something happy or interesting, like planning your next vacation. Distraction can help you heal faster and maintain your peace of mind.

Evaluate Your Friendship

Consider the extent of your friend’s actions and whether they warrant the end of your friendship. Was it a one-time lapse in judgment or a significant breach of trust? Did your friend take responsibility for their actions, or did you hear about it from someone else? Reflect on how important this friendship is to you and whether you’d be devastated if it ended. Ultimately, the decision to salvage or end the relationship is yours alone.


When a friend hooks up with your ex, it can be a challenging and painful experience. By maintaining your self-respect, understanding it’s not a reflection of your worth, processing your emotions, practicing thought control, and evaluating your friendship, you can navigate this situation and emerge stronger and wiser.

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